Haze Grey & Underway

Well, I think it is about time to finish this section of the blog and let you know that yes indeed I am home and have been neglecting my blogging responsabilities. So her is a shorty to catch you up.

I am still in pain, I got that ever-rumored MRI done about a week after I got back and sure enough it painted quite a pretty picture of a blown up disc (L4-L5) that is choking off my nerve bundle. So here I sit at 0446 in the morning getting ready to go to the hospital to be backed upon by a Navy Neurosurgeon. Am I nervous? He’ll yeah I am! I am scared crapless! But if I want to be “pain free” I have to go under the knife. So that is where I sit right now.. I shall let you know how it goes when I am on the other side.

It’s good to be home.. No longer Haze grey
See ya on the other side

~Jaybob

Ok folks… time for a catch up.  Things out here have gotten pretty damn busy and I have been running up and down this ship like a mad man.  Over the past 3 months I have been busier than a one legged man at an ass kicking contest.

Now …  things are settling. We are in the double digits to the day we will be home and that is a good thing.

Today.. is my birthday. 36 years upon this rock hurtling through space has come and gone and currently I am feeling every single one of those years.

For the past two weeks I have been hobbling around the ship, the victim of a condition called sciatica.  Basically what it means is I have some bad disc’s in my back that are pinching and impinging on the trunk of nerves that go down my right leg (the sciatic nerve).  This causes numerous things to happen, most of them painful.  Due to the nerve pinching it is firing messages off to my muscles to contract or retract at high speed. This causes what I call “A monkey fist of angry pain” right in the deep center of my right ass cheek, thigh, and calf.  Currently I am also unable to feel any of the toes on my right foot nor can I move them in an upward fashion.  I can curl my toes, but not raise them up… they just sit there and look at me.  I have been to medical about 3 or 4 times and they have given me plenty of the Navy’s wonder vitamin M® ( Motrin), and some Ultram, and some Pamalor.  These really don’t seem to be helping as it still hurts like a sonofabeach when I stand, sit, lay down, or think of doing any of those activities.  Due to the lack of facilities onboard they are pretty helpless to do anything and say that I have to wait it out until we get home so that I can get an MRI done.  WHEEEE!  We shall see what happens after that. Until that time I will have to hobble around the best that I can.

On the homefront Mrs. Jaybob is doing better.  Her drug regimen seems to be working for her, although it seems to sap her energy some times.  This is one of the side effects of the Rebif that she is taking.

I have also found out that unfortunately my brother and his family will be moving out of the area due to his wife having to PCS out. :(  This makes me a bit upset.  My brother and his family have been a never ending source of support and the much needed sense of “Family” that has been missing from our day to day lives for the last 17 or so years.  It was so nice to have family a mere mile away that we could visit, play cards, play with the niece and nephew… They were there for Mrs. Jaybob while she went through some of her issues with the MS since I have been gone on deployment…  I will truly miss them being so close.

Ok.. What have we learned today?

1. I am old.
2. Due to #1 I am in back pain hell.
3. My beloved is doing much better
4. I will miss my bro

Excellent.  Test on Monday every one study  up.
Take care of yourselves shipmates…

I will be home soon…but until then  I remain…

Haze Grey & Underway..

~Jaybob

(Another post that was drafted and posted when I had time to access the internets)

2009!

One year closer to retirement and one more month closer to me being home.

So, what is there to do on America’s premiere nuclear powered aircraft carrier at sea when the calendar changes over to the new year? Truthfully? Not a whole hell of a lot.  I was in bed at around 7pm myself not even worrying about the change of the day or year.

At sea, every day is Monday the 13th which is the combination of two of mankind’s deadliest of days.  Monday….  (Everyone hates Mondays!) and, Friday the 13th!  It just repeats that day every day during the deployment until you pull in, at that point the calendar catches up and resumes normal time only to be suspended again when you pull back out.

I did however, take a bit and engage in the tradition of setting a few New Year’s Resolutions.  Here are mine..  Let me know yours in the comments and we will see how we stick to them through out the year!

1) I will quit smoking
2) I will begin a serious workout regimen comprising of at least three work outs per week.
3) I will endeavor to control my eating habits so as not to blow up like a balloon after quitting smoking.
4) I will tell someone at least once a day that I love them.

I especially like the last one. You never know when you won’t be able to tell someone you love them ever again.

Well shipmates, I hope that this year brings you prosperity, happiness, and warmth in the knowledge that there are people out here doing their thing for the American people.

Happy ‘09
~Jaybob

(This post is a bit of a catch-up, I wrote this while on the ship whilst we had no internets… and could not post it.  So, here it is for your reading pleasure.)

Well my fellow humans.  It is Christmas and I am on dry land…   Albeit sandy, dirty,  Dubai type land but land none the less.   Yes, I am in Dubai for the holiday.  Spending this glorious holiday in a country where they do not celebrate it has both it’s ups and downs.

First, all the stores are open and that is a good thing for someone who has been at sea for a month and needs to do some replenishing of various shower and toiletry needs.

Second it helps me to fool myself that there actually is not a holiday happening.  Yes, denial is more than just a river in Egypt! But I will obfuscate myself in that soft warm downy layer of self denial and self delusion and go on about  my life as though it were the middle of July.  This helps with the homesickness.

What is sadder than sad? A quaint little tiny fake Christmas tree sitting in the middle of an industrial work area on an aircraft carrier.

Bah.. Humbug!

Christmas is actually my favoirte season next to Halloween because I enjoy the decorating.  I like setting up fog machines, and stringing lights, making animatronic little do-dads to do stuff when people pass by.  That kind of stuff interests me.  Hard to be creative out here at sea when you have a full flight schedule with little time left over for even a decent meal.

It did leave me a little time though to reflect on those whom I care about and miss so very much.  This will thankfully be my last one out to sea.

Well I am gonna hit it.. I hear subway in the sandbox makes a mean Christmas turkey sub.

Happy Holidays Shipmates

~Jaybob

For those that know me and know how much of my soul and life I have put into this job this is going to seem strange, but lately I am finding it very hard to really even give a damn about just about anything going on out here on this floating Dante’s inferno. I generally pride myself on being a professional even under the most difficult of situations but as I said I just don’t care.

Mrs. Jaybob’s test results have come back and it is as we suspected. She is the proud owner of a debilitating disease called Multiple Sclerosis. She is being poked and prodded by doctors and being given spinal taps by students, (they only had to pierce her back 5 times before they were successful), and because of the poor job at getting that tap they had to perform a procedure called a bloodpatch to seal up the hole left in her spinal sac because there was spinal fluid leaking out.

And here I sit.

I have technicians that couldn’t troubleshoot their way out of a paper bag if they were handed the faulty component and told where it was to be installed. I have other technicians who seem to operate in a time dilation field, this is to say a task that would take a normal human being 1 hour takes this individual 3. I have benches crashing around me and Warrant Officers who change their mind and don’t tell you but expect you to know what they need. Oh.. and evals are due. ( I really think it’s funny how MS word pings on the word ‘evals’ and tries to make it ‘evils’. same same if you ask me.)

yet.. I find it increasingly hard to really even care. I sit in numbness to all this around me and could really care if it all even just caught on fire. Is that bad? I don’t know. Is it counterproductive to the mission? You betcha! Is it a purposeful act of a petty person having a fit? Definitely not. But I am not able to control how I feel. I try and wade my way through it all, to correct the errors, to right the wrongs, to hold the hands, to wipe the noses of adults who sit and cry at their desks. (This is no sh*t, a guy was seriously crying at his desk yesterday.. I can understand if it were his first cruise but this is a seasoned Sailor. He has nothing going on bad at home… he just doesn’t want to be here. I mean, I don’t know, does that make me a crappy person because it disgusts me that a grown man is sitting there crying like a little girl with a skinned knee?! *shrug* )

Now wait a moment…. I know exactly what you are going to say. “Well Jaybob you are crying too! You just aren’t shedding tears. You are whining and complaining about it and not doing anything about it.” You may have a point. But please refer to the title of this entry… it’s my damn website not yours if you don’t like it then don’t read. These are my feelings and this is my outlet for them.

Really… I just want to be home supporting the woman I love while she is going through a very tough time. I feel helpless, I feel like I am not being the provider I promised that I would be in my marriage vows, I feel like crap.

Those are my thoughts… this is where I’M going and where I’VE been.
later…
~Jaybob

Well here we are in  Jebel-Ali in the United Arab Emirates. Liberty call went down a lot smoother mainly because we pulled in pier-side so there is no waiting for a liberty boat to take us to land.

Here we have a little security zone that we affectionately call “The Sandbox”.  It is a place that has a couple of shops, some restaurants (All fast food… i.e.  Burger King, Subway, B&R, and of course the infamous Shwarma guy!)  The Sandbox is surrounded by cement guirders and tractor trailer containers creating a ’safe place’ for us to congregate in large numbers.  It is a lot better than it was when I was here in ‘93.  Back then it was nothing but sand as far as the eye could see and a couple vendors right at the end of the brow.   They even have a USO building in the box that shows first run movies and broadcasts free wifi for all your interwebs needs.   This time in port I just stayed in the box for the two days I was allowed off the ship.  I really didn’t have much desire to leave the area I just wanted to leave the ship.  It was nice to sit around in my civilian clothes eating some real food and relaxing.  For just a short time I could create the illusion that I was not on deployment and far away from everything that I hold dear.  I could enjoy some conversation and play some cards and yes even have a beer or two without wondering when the next “oh crap” moment was going to spring upon me.

One more thing about the box…   We have a beer tent where we sell American beer to our Sailors at $2 a can.  The Navy has a whole campaign dedicated to having “The right spirit” ( gone are the days of the drunken sailor this is a stereotype that the Navy is desparately trying to seperate it self from.)  Yet we trap these kids on the pier and sell them beer for $2 after being at sea for 45 days straight.  Then we make scornful faces and utter our “tsk tsk tsk” at them when they get drunk and a little crazy.

Are we helping or hurting?

Yes, myself being of the ripe old age of 35 know when to say when.  I know when I am starting to loose control and know to stop well before that time and I do.  I honestly can not remember the last time I was “plastered”.  Yet they keep selling these kids beers even when it is obvious that they are beyond their tollerance and keep taking their money to add to their associations bank accounts and that of MWR.   I know the concept of individual responsibility and do my damndest to live by it, but there are times where a little assistance is required by the senior leadership.   Are we sending the right message or are we sending mixed messages?    Just my own observations..

It was an unremarkable port visit except to say that I got to sleep in one day and it was very nice to be able to do so.   Few and far between are the simple luxuries such as just being able to roll over and go back to sleep for another hour or so when I want to.  I took advantage of it.

I would be negletful not to mention that my parents anniversary was this month.  Rare these days where a marrige lasts as long.  I am glad to say I am a product of a two parent home.  I will admit that I do not know exactly how many years they have been married but I know that it is over 40 years.  In these days and times that is one hell of an accomplishment.   Congrats  Mom & Dad..  You guys are the best… you did a good job with us kids and I thank you.

Well.. thats all for now. I need a Shwarma!

I amfortunately not Haze Grey  & Underway… I am Pier Side.

~Jaybob

Ok.. because of the large gap in time I am going to do it all in one post because honestly I can not remember some of it.  That is one of the things that stinks about being on a ship, the internet access goes way down especially when you head into the Arabian Gulf area.

Here are some highlights broken down into bite size pieces.

MS and the Military Medicine System.

So, it would appear according to the civilian doctor that Mrs. Jaybob is seeing, that she has the signs and symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis.

A chronic, typically progressive disease involving damage to the sheaths of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, whose symptoms may include numbness, impairment of speech and of muscular coordination, blurred vision, and severe fatigue

She went into the docs office to see about her shoulder pain two years ago and during an MRI they found evidence of it, but disinclined to inform her of it. This time she went in for another MRI of her neck and shoulder and they found the same thing and actually told her about it.  They found little white dots in her spinal cord and lower brain stem area that are indicative of MS.  She had a full head MRI done recently and we are awaiting the response from that to find out where to go from here.

I have two issues with this.   I am here.  She is there.  Now, while she is not quite alone in this situation because she has my brother and his family to talk to she is still dealing with it without her entire support system that she is used to.   I am out here, feeling helpless and worried.  I know that this is a slow disease and people live with it for years and years and years sometimes without even showing any symptoms, but that does not help me much.  This is my best friend! This is the woman who I am so crazy about I married twice! Yet  here I am floating 15,000 miles across the seas with the ability to do nothing more than make a phone call or two to make sure she is doing all right.  I am beginning to think that those phone calls are more for me than they are for her. *Shrug*  I don’t know.  So to cap this off we are going to have to wait until sometime in December to get the full results.

The Military Health Care System

Being sick in the military is in no way shape or form what it used to be.  For the non military folks out there, normally when you are sick you take your happy ass down to sick-bay or over to the branch medical clinic and go to “Sick call”.   This is basically a time in the morning lasting about 2 hours where you can just walk in and say “I threw up” or “I have this lump” or “I have a runny nose”.   It was basically a triage point for them to say “ok Mr. runny nose you take this pill and stop whining…   Mr. Lumpy  rub this ointment on it and come back in a week,   you Mr. Throw up you have a 106 degree fever you need emergent care!”

That was then… Now?   You actually have only 15 minuets to make it down to ’sick call’.  They will not even entertain seeing you during non-sickcall hours unless you are bleeding profusely from the eyes.  Being in the position of ‘Senior Leadership’ that I am in,  I have meetings and such that I am required to attend in the mornings (and wouldn’t you know it those take place during ’sick call’.)   I was running a 105 fever with night sweats, little sleep, and massive headaches but it took 3 days for them to see me and that was only due to the fact that my Chief gave them a call and told them they needed to see me.   It really annoys me to no end how some of the medical people react when someone actually requires some attention… like I just ruined their day by being sick.  Customer service is a dead concept.

Ok.. enough ranting for now.  Please take care of eachother and yourselves.

I am still . . .

Haze Grey & Underway

~Jaybob

Ok..  So it has been a bit since I have updated the site, please bare with me as it has gotten quite busy for us here and the scarce availability of the internet has slowed down my posting ability.

South Africa was far from what I would call a success, but I was able to get off the ship for about 5 hours and get a decent meal and pick up some trinkets and gifts for my loved ones back in the States.  Cape Town really was quite a modern town with all the same amenities as a regular city you would encounter in Anytown USA.   The biggest problem with the whole port is that only 1/3 of the crew were able to get off the ship to enjoy even the slightest bit of liberty.  That is bull crap if you ask me, piss poor planning on the part of the chain of command created an ‘Epic Fail’ port experience for 2/3 of of my shipmates.  Yes, they were robbed of an entire country!

The economy of South Africa was decent enough to allow us to get some pretty decent deals.  The exchange rate was about 7Rand to $1.    I was able to score a very decent meal of steak with various appetisers and a nice big beer for around $11US.  Not bad at all.

The funny thing though, is that after all the lectures, training, videos, and stern warnings on crew behavior the majority of the people out on liberty that I saw ‘misbehaving’ were senior enlisted and officer personnel. *but we are the ones to blame*.

All in all it was definately an experience.  I can plant a flag on my map at home saying I have been somewhere else that would have never been had I not joined the Navy.

One month down…

Take care of yourselves…  I remain

Haze Grey & Underway

~Jaybob

Greetings from chilly Cape Town South Africa!

I saw Cape Town...

That is the view that I have of our wonderful “Liberty Port” I believe that it is called Table Rock. We haven’t been off the ship yet and we have been here for two days so far. The sea’s are a bit too rough for us to get the liberty boats near so we are just sitting here… it is more of an anchorage stop rather than a liberty stop. Well, looking on the bright side, at least I am not spending any money, I am not getting mugged, and for sure I am not contracting some horrible disease such as Hepatitis B, Chlamydia, or HIV. See… there is really a rainbow in every single crappy cloud out there.

Just thought you guys would like to see where I am. I can see it.

Take care.. I remain
Anchored in hell
~Jaybob

Ok..  Time for a little rant because after-all a bi#@hing Sailor is a happy Sailor.

I have been doing this little job here called the Navy for over 17 years and have managed to survive upon this spinning rock hurtling through space for 35 years but the way this man’s Navy treats it’s Sailors like children is bordering upon the ridiculous.  Everyone knows that a Sailor lives for one thing while on a deployment……..  YES! LIBERTY! Time off the ship in a foreign port to explore and see all the things that he never would have seen if he would have stayed in his po-dunk little home town.  This is supposed to be the trade-off for all those days and nights of hard work, sweat, and tears while at sea yet the Navy must control everything right down to the way people can do even that.  Now I understand that this is a totally different world and definitely a different Navy than my grandfather sailed in… I understand that the global dynamic has shifted and that currently we are locked in conflict and that various countries and extremist groups would love to see American servicemen killed dead in the street, but sometimes these controls that they inflict upon us can be a bit draconian.   I consider myself a reasonably responsible adult, I know “when to say when”, and I am fairly observant of my surroundings while in unfamiliar territory…  but they foister these rules on us…  such as…

• You must have “X” amount of people in your liberty party.  (Ok.. I can understand that… safety in numbers  I will buy that for a dollar)
• You must have one person designated as your non drinking shipmate.. oh and that person has to sign a form saying that he is not going to drink under penalty of the UCMJ (ummm again.. are we not adults? Can we not make sound decisions?  We can sail the seven seas and defend America from all kinds of tyranny but can’t enjoy the simple freedom of a drink when we want it? And lets tack on your signature so we can fry you if you take a sip.)
• You have to be home by “X” time. ( I haven’t had a curfew since I was 17.)
• If one of your buddies gets in trouble and has to go “see the old man” about it, you will get charged for the same thing because you were his buddy and didn’t stop him.
• Then you will sign a contract stating you won’t get into trouble or you can not go on liberty.

OK.. STOP THE MADNESS! I understand the meaning and the intent, but the implementation is where it is lacking in the smarts department. Here is the deal, if a person has been identified as a risk on liberty then that is the time that you should start imposing most of these rules and stipulations.  Do not apply a “One shoe fits all” policy to the entire crew.  The kid that even back in the states goes out and gets plastered then drives back to the ship and gets caught… yes.. he needs to be controlled on liberty because chances are he is going to screw up again..  but to punish people who know how to conduct them selves in public is both demoralizing and wrong in my opinion.  What initiative does this give people to excel and be a good conscientious American citizen and ambassador to the world when they know that they are just going to get treated like children anyways….

I don’t know.. perhaps I am completely wrong about this…  what do you think?  leave a comment and let me know.

Till later shipmates.. Take care of yourself and your shipmates

~Jaybob