(This post is a bit of a catch-up, I wrote this while on the ship whilst we had no internets… and could not post it. So, here it is for your reading pleasure.)
Well my fellow humans. It is Christmas and I am on dry land… Albeit sandy, dirty, Dubai type land but land none the less. Yes, I am in Dubai for the holiday. Spending this glorious holiday in a country where they do not celebrate it has both it’s ups and downs.
First, all the stores are open and that is a good thing for someone who has been at sea for a month and needs to do some replenishing of various shower and toiletry needs.
Second it helps me to fool myself that there actually is not a holiday happening. Yes, denial is more than just a river in Egypt! But I will obfuscate myself in that soft warm downy layer of self denial and self delusion and go on about my life as though it were the middle of July. This helps with the homesickness.
What is sadder than sad? A quaint little tiny fake Christmas tree sitting in the middle of an industrial work area on an aircraft carrier.
Bah.. Humbug!
Christmas is actually my favoirte season next to Halloween because I enjoy the decorating. I like setting up fog machines, and stringing lights, making animatronic little do-dads to do stuff when people pass by. That kind of stuff interests me. Hard to be creative out here at sea when you have a full flight schedule with little time left over for even a decent meal.
It did leave me a little time though to reflect on those whom I care about and miss so very much. This will thankfully be my last one out to sea. 
Well I am gonna hit it.. I hear subway in the sandbox makes a mean Christmas turkey sub.
Happy Holidays Shipmates
~Jaybob
For those that know me and know how much of my soul and life I have put into this job this is going to seem strange, but lately I am finding it very hard to really even give a damn about just about anything going on out here on this floating Dante’s inferno. I generally pride myself on being a professional even under the most difficult of situations but as I said I just don’t care.
Mrs. Jaybob’s test results have come back and it is as we suspected. She is the proud owner of a debilitating disease called Multiple Sclerosis. She is being poked and prodded by doctors and being given spinal taps by students, (they only had to pierce her back 5 times before they were successful), and because of the poor job at getting that tap they had to perform a procedure called a bloodpatch to seal up the hole left in her spinal sac because there was spinal fluid leaking out.
And here I sit.
I have technicians that couldn’t troubleshoot their way out of a paper bag if they were handed the faulty component and told where it was to be installed. I have other technicians who seem to operate in a time dilation field, this is to say a task that would take a normal human being 1 hour takes this individual 3. I have benches crashing around me and Warrant Officers who change their mind and don’t tell you but expect you to know what they need. Oh.. and evals are due. ( I really think it’s funny how MS word pings on the word ‘evals’ and tries to make it ‘evils’. same same if you ask me.)
yet.. I find it increasingly hard to really even care. I sit in numbness to all this around me and could really care if it all even just caught on fire. Is that bad? I don’t know. Is it counterproductive to the mission? You betcha! Is it a purposeful act of a petty person having a fit? Definitely not. But I am not able to control how I feel. I try and wade my way through it all, to correct the errors, to right the wrongs, to hold the hands, to wipe the noses of adults who sit and cry at their desks. (This is no sh*t, a guy was seriously crying at his desk yesterday.. I can understand if it were his first cruise but this is a seasoned Sailor. He has nothing going on bad at home… he just doesn’t want to be here. I mean, I don’t know, does that make me a crappy person because it disgusts me that a grown man is sitting there crying like a little girl with a skinned knee?! *shrug* )
Now wait a moment…. I know exactly what you are going to say. “Well Jaybob you are crying too! You just aren’t shedding tears. You are whining and complaining about it and not doing anything about it.” You may have a point. But please refer to the title of this entry… it’s my damn website not yours if you don’t like it then don’t read. These are my feelings and this is my outlet for them.
Really… I just want to be home supporting the woman I love while she is going through a very tough time. I feel helpless, I feel like I am not being the provider I promised that I would be in my marriage vows, I feel like crap.
Those are my thoughts… this is where I’M going and where I’VE been.
later…
~Jaybob
@ Sea, Catch up, Rants & Raves | Jaybob December 25, 2008 | 
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